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Needs a Roast

Find out exactly what's killing your conversions — and how to fix it. AI-powered roasts in under 60 seconds. No fluff, just fixes.

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1 free roast included
Google or GitHub sign-in
Results in under 60 seconds
🚀 Just launched — be an early roaster

What you'll get in under 60 seconds

📊 Roast Score™ (0-100)
🔥 Prioritized issues + fixes
✍️ AI-rewritten copy
PageSpeed & SEO audit

How It Works

Three simple steps to landing page enlightenment

1
🔗

Paste Your URL

Drop in any landing page URL. We'll fetch and analyze the entire page.

2
🤖

AI Analyzes

AI evaluates your copy, design cues, CTAs, social proof, and conversion psychology.

3
🔥

Get Roasted

Receive a brutally honest score, specific issues with fixes, and AI-generated rewrites.

See What a Roast Looks Like

Here's a real roast of a live landing page. No cherry-picking.

statuswire.dev
58
Roast Score™ · Needs Work

"Your landing page is like a newspaper that forgot to write headlines — all the infrastructure, none of the persuasion."

📊 Category Breakdown 8 categories scored

💎
52
Value Prop
🤝
25
Trust
🎨
62
Design/UX
✍️
55
Copy
🎯
35
CTA
78
Technical
🦄
40
Unique
❤️
48
Emotional
80+ Great 60-79 Okay <60 Needs Work

🔥 The Brutal Truth

🔴 Critical

"Developer Infrastructure News" as your headline tells me nothing about what I get. It's a category label, not a value proposition.

Fix: Lead with the benefit — "Know About Cloud Outages Before Your Users Do"

🔴 Critical

"Subscribe" as your CTA is the weakest possible action word. It says "give me your email" instead of "get something valuable."

Fix: Use a benefit-driven CTA like "Start Monitoring Free" or "Get Outage Alerts"

🟠 Major

Zero testimonials, zero social proof. Why should I trust a status monitoring tool with no evidence anyone uses it?

Fix: Add user count, testimonials, or logos of services you monitor.

Every issue includes a specific, actionable fix

Page Structure Audit

🦸 Hero Section Weak
📰 Headline Weak
📝 Subheadline Good
🎯 Primary CTA Weak
Social Proof Missing
Features Missing
💰 Pricing Missing
FAQ Missing
📋 Footer Good
Good Weak Missing
✍️ Better Headline

"Know About Cloud Outages Before Your Users Do"

✍️ Better Subheadline

"Real-time status monitoring and instant alerts for 71+ developer services. Never be the last to know."

✍️ Better CTA

"Start Monitoring Free"

🚀 Core Web Vitals via Google PageSpeed

88
Performance
100
SEO
3.0s
LCP
0.0
CLS
2.7s
FCP
0.0s
TTFB

🔍 Technical SEO Files

robots.txt ✓ Found
sitemap.xml ✓ Found
llms.txt ✓ Found
security.txt ✓ Found

We check the files bots and AI crawlers look for

That's a real roast. Want yours?

🔥 Get Your Free Roast
🔬 Research-Backed Methodology

Not Another PageSpeed Audit

PageSpeed tells you your site is slow. We tell you why nobody's buying. 15 conversion factors. 8 weighted categories. Backed by research.

8 Categories, Weighted by Conversion Impact

Each roast scores your page across 8 categories. The weights reflect how much each factor actually moves the needle on conversions.

💎 20%

Value Proposition

Is the core benefit crystal clear in under 5 seconds? Visitors who can't answer "what's in it for me?" bounce instantly.

🤝 15%

Trust & Social Proof

Testimonials, logos, reviews, case studies. People trust other people more than your marketing copy.

🎨 15%

Design & UX

Visual hierarchy, scannability, mobile experience. Users form design opinions in 2.6 seconds flat.

✍️ 15%

Copy Quality

Benefit-focused, specific, persuasive. 80% of visitors only read your headline — it better be good.

🎯 15%

CTA Clarity

Action-oriented, visible, compelling. A personalized CTA converts 202% better than a generic "Submit" button.

10%

Technical Performance

Page speed, Core Web Vitals, mobile-friendly, accessibility. A 0.1s speed improvement lifts conversions 8.4%.

🦄 5%

Differentiation

Why you, not them? If a visitor can't tell you apart from competitors in 10 seconds, you've already lost.

❤️ 5%

Emotional Appeal

Does it connect on a human level? People buy on emotion, then justify with logic. Make them feel something.

15 Conversion Factors We Analyze

Every roast evaluates these specific elements — the same factors conversion rate experts charge thousands to audit.

1 Headline Clarity
2 Value Proposition
3 CTA Strength
4 Social Proof
5 Trust Signals
6 Objection Handling
7 Urgency & Scarcity
8 Visual Hierarchy
9 Mobile Experience
10 Page Speed
11 Above-the-Fold Content
12 Copy Quality
13 Risk Reversal
14 Specificity & Data
15 Competitive Differentiation

Every Critique Comes With a Fix

We don't just point out problems — we tell you exactly how to fix them and what happens when you do.

📊

Scored & Ranked

Issues prioritized by severity — critical, major, minor. Fix what matters most first.

🔧

Actionable Fixes

Every issue includes a specific, implementable fix. Not "improve your copy" — actual rewrites you can ship.

✍️

AI-Generated Rewrites

Better headlines, subheadlines, and CTAs written for you. Copy-paste and ship.

The Research Behind the Roast

Our scoring methodology isn't guesswork — it's grounded in conversion research from Google, Nielsen Norman Group, Baymard Institute, and more.

0.1s faster = 8.4% more conversions

A 0.1-second improvement in page load time increased conversions by 8.4% for retail sites and 10.1% for travel.

Google/Deloitte, "Milliseconds Make Millions" (2020)

📉

1s → 3s load time = 32% more bounces

The probability of a visitor bouncing increases 32% as page load time goes from 1 second to 3 seconds.

Google/SOASTA, Think with Google (2017)

📰

80% read headlines, only 20% read the rest

On average, 8 out of 10 people will read your headline — but only 2 out of 10 will continue reading. Your headline is your one shot.

David Ogilvy / Copyblogger Research

🎯

Personalized CTAs convert 202% better

Targeted, benefit-driven calls-to-action outperform generic buttons like "Submit" or "Click Here" by 202%.

HubSpot, "The Button Color A/B Test" Study

98% read reviews before purchasing

Almost every consumer checks social proof before making a decision. No testimonials = no trust = no conversion.

BrightLocal, Consumer Review Survey (2023)

🛡️

18% abandon due to lack of trust

Nearly 1 in 5 users abandon a purchase because they didn't trust the site with their information.

Baymard Institute, Cart Abandonment Study (2024)

👁️

2.6 seconds to form a first impression

Users form design opinions in 2.6 seconds, and 94% of first impressions are design-related. Your visual hierarchy matters.

Missouri S&T / Behaviour & Information Technology (2012)

📱

53% abandon if mobile load > 3 seconds

Over half of all mobile visitors leave a page that takes longer than 3 seconds to load. Mobile UX is conversion-critical.

Google/SOASTA, Mobile Speed Study (2016)

💎

Value prop is the #1 conversion factor

When tested, a clear and relevant value proposition was the single biggest factor in whether visitors converted or bounced.

MarketingExperiments / MECLABS Institute

🔢

Specific numbers build 3× more trust

"Saves 27 minutes per day" outperforms "saves time." Concrete claims with real numbers convert significantly better than vague promises.

Roger Dooley, Neuromarketing / ContentVerve Split Tests

What Happens When You Actually Fix This Stuff

↑ SEO

Higher Search Rankings

Google uses Core Web Vitals as a ranking signal. Faster pages, proper heading structure, meta descriptions, and mobile responsiveness directly improve your position in search results.

↓ Bounces

Fewer Visitors Leaving

Clear headlines, strong above-the-fold content, and fast load times keep visitors on your page. Every second you shave off load time reduces bounce rate measurably.

↑ Conversions

More Visitors Converting

Better CTAs, social proof, objection handling, and risk reversal compound together. Fixing the top 3 issues from a roast typically moves the conversion needle 20-40%.

Conversion audits from agencies cost $2,000–$10,000. We give you the same analysis in under 60 seconds.

🔬 Try the Method Free

Simple, Honest Pricing

No hidden fees. No complicated tiers. Just roasts.

Starter
$0
One free roast
  • 1 roast — on the house
  • Roast Score™ with grade
  • Full issue breakdown with fixes
  • Shareable roast cards
  • AI rewrites
Get Your Free Roast
MOST POPULAR
Pro
$9
per month
  • 50 roasts per month
  • Full issue breakdown (10+)
  • AI-generated rewrites
  • Competitor comparison
  • Export to PDF & Markdown
Agency
$29
per month
  • Everything in Pro
  • 200 roasts per month
  • API access
  • Priority email support
Reseller
$99
per month
  • Everything in Agency
  • 🚀 1,000 roasts per month
  • 🚀 Dedicated support
Enterprise Need 10,000+ roasts/month?
📧 Let's Talk

Frequently Asked Questions

What counts as a "roast"?

One roast = one URL analysis. Re-analyzing the same URL after changes counts as a new roast. Viewing previous results for a cached URL is free.

Can I cancel anytime?

Yes! Cancel with one click, no questions asked. You'll keep access until the end of your billing period.

What AI model do you use?

We use advanced AI for analysis and copy rewrites, trained on conversion copywriting best practices and landing page design principles.

Is my data private?

We only analyze publicly accessible pages. We don't store your page content—just the analysis results. Your roasts are private unless you share them.

Do you offer refunds?

Yes, we offer a 7-day money-back guarantee. If you're not satisfied, email us and we'll refund your subscription.

Why We Built This

The Problem

As indie hackers, we spent countless hours tweaking landing pages—changing headlines, moving CTAs, A/B testing button colors. But we never knew if we were fixing the right problems or just shuffling deck chairs on the Titanic.

The Solution

RoastMyPage uses AI with carefully engineered prompts to give you instant, brutally honest feedback. Not generic advice—specific issues with your specific page, ranked by impact, with concrete fixes.

🔥

Brutally Honest

No sugarcoating. You came here for truth, not validation.

🎯

Actionable

Every issue comes with a specific fix. No vague "improve your copy."

Fast

Under 60 seconds, not 60 days. Ship improvements this week.

Built With

Elixir + Phoenix
🤖 Advanced AI
💨 Tailwind CSS
🚀 Fly.io
🔥

Ready to Get Roasted?

Find out exactly what's killing your conversions — and how to fix it.